lying to myself

sorry wiffey, forgot to post , it's been a long time,
hope ur dooing good.
well, me i'm fine with life ,
everthing is not so bad,
living wih noo drama, no shiets .
still, idk why , when i see his name, my heart still shakes a bit
idk if its because i liked him as friend and now lost him or i loved him,
but yknow, when i tell myself that i don't like someone,
i can even lie to myself and convince myself that i don't
maybe cuz i can make my brain control my feelings,
but guess it's the best solution i can find,
because i'm not courageous enough for love, not like you
i can't stand it when it hurts. and guess it still hurts. just less.
love is not for me, i'm not strong enough for it.
rollercoaster makes me sick, makes me cry, i cried too much for others.
it might be boring these days, but at least, it's the longest time in these 2 years i haven't cried. guess it means it's all good. ights?